Further (mis)Adventures of the Auburn Girls

The Auburn Girls keep pushing it. I think that since they know their program is almost over, they're letting it all hang out.

For instance during Saturday's dinner, one of them walked in during the main course and stumbled around drunkenly table to table asking if anyone knew how to open a bottle of Armen Beer. Since it had a champagne-style cork, her bottle opener wasn't working (but she tried it four times anyway). She ended up at our table, where I explained the intricacies of corks before she scampered back upstairs followed by the disapproving glare of mother superior.

She was very polite though. She came to my room after dinner and insisted on curtsying while thanking me in french. And it was very sweet until she lost her balance and hit her head on the doorframe. I was a little worried, but since she was drunk she just laughed and laughed. Good times.

Later that night as I was heading to meet my friend Juli, I ran into three of them in the metro on their way to Montmartre to hang out by the Moulin Rouge. They were fully armed. One had a half-bottle of champagne, another had a plastic cup with rum and coke, and the last was double fisting cans of beer. It was almost impressive.

These girls don't mess around. Nuns be damned. They could star in their own movie franchise: "The Auburn Girls Go to Tierra del Fuego", "The Auburn Girls in Viva La Vienna", "The Auburn Girls Escape from Rehab", the possibilities are endless. Don is very nice to them all the time since he's afraid they're gonna break into his room at night and duct tape him to the bed.

The Soap

Aaah, the soap. It's been a while since an instrument of cleanliness has caused so many dirty jokes.

As I've mentioned before, there's a shared bathroom on every floor at the nunnery . And in every bathroom there's a sink. And above every sink there's this tubular-shaped chunk of yellow soap attached to the wall by some bizarre metal...ummm...soap-attachey thing.

To actually use the soap, some very unfortunate and obscene hand motions need to be performed. No one said anything at first, but after a couple of days it must have reached the cliched tipping point, because everyone started talking about it during dinner.

Turns out, a bunch of the Auburn University co-eds were really offended and were refusing to wash their hands in the bathrooms (southern girls can be so delicate sometimes), ). The other residents, however, are either amused, or pretend not to know what everyone else is talking about. Even when jokes about nuns washing their mouths out with the soap come up. That one from another Auburn girl (southern girls can be so raunchy sometimes).